# Joke



## Leo Porcello (Jul 10, 2003)

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was that killed the animal.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. 
They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Bear." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right. They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle." He was right again. Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?" His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, 'Skunk, killed with an axe.'


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## DuckBuster (Mar 18, 2003)

:beer:  LOL!!

That is one of the funiest jokes I think I've ever heard!


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## GooseBuster3 (Mar 1, 2002)

:lol: :lol:


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## djleye (Nov 14, 2002)

A classic!! :rollin:


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## Lorz15 (Sep 29, 2003)

:rollin:


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## buckseye (Dec 8, 2003)

:toofunny:


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## Kansas Kid (Nov 20, 2003)

Funny.  I might have to try that one on my wife.


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## MSG Rude (Oct 6, 2003)

:roll:


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## stevepike (Sep 14, 2002)

:lol:


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## Dick Monson (Aug 12, 2002)

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
jack *****, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of
yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


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## nodakoutdoors.com (Feb 27, 2002)

hehehe........... :lol:


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## GooseBuster3 (Mar 1, 2002)

Huey that would start off your wedding night real well. :lol: :lol:


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## PJ (Oct 1, 2002)

:beer:


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## djleye (Nov 14, 2002)

That would go over like a turd in the punchbowl Chris!!


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## stevepike (Sep 14, 2002)

There was this guy who never ever had a girlfriend or even a woman as a friend before. One day, he meets a woman who he falls in love with and asks her to marry him. Well, turns out that the woman is in some way attracted to this guy, so she says "yes" and they go off to Vegas to get married.

They finally get to their honeymoon suite and the guy decides to get a little more comfortable, so he takes off his shoes and socks to reveal his nasty curly mauled toes. The woman doesn't find this too attractive and shrieks, "EWWWWW! What's wrong with your feet?!"

"Oh that," the man replies. "Well, you see, when I was younger I had Toelio."

"Toelio?" asks the woman. "Don't you mean Polio?"

"No, no!" the man says. "Toelio. It's the same thing as Polio except it affects my toes."

"Well, that's gross," says the woman, so the man continues to get comfortable and takes off his pants to reveal his nasty shriveled-up, bumpy knees.

Once again the women cries out, "What's wrong with your knees?"

"Oh, that," the man replies. "Well, you, see, a few years back I had Kneesles."

"Kneeles?" exclaims the woman. "Don't you mean Measles?"

"No," says the man. "Kneesles. It's the same as Measles but it affects my knees. That's why my knees are like that."

The woman did not like this at all, but realizing she was married to this man she lets it go and tries to forget about it. Noticing that his new wife is more relaxed, the man decides to get really comfortable and take off his underwear.

The woman quickly responds, "Let me guess, you also have Smallcox."


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## djleye (Nov 14, 2002)

:rollin: :rollin:


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## doublecluck (Jan 22, 2004)

An older guy goes in and buys a new kick butt sports car. He gets it out on the open road and kicks it up a notch. 90 mph is not enough, he kicks it a little more, 110 mph is still not enough, he hammers on it. 130 mph!! This is cool he thinks to himself. He looks in his rear view mirror and sees the lights of a State Trooper. He at first tries to outrun the officer. He then decides that he is better off stopping. He goes ahead and pulls over. 
The Trooper walks up and says, why were you running from me?? Well, this could be your lucky day. Give me an excuse I have never heard before and I'll let you go. 
He looks at the officer and says,"" My wife ran off with a State Trooper last week, and I thought you were bringing her back!!!! 
The officer laughed and told him to have a nice day.!!!!!!!


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## dblkluk (Oct 3, 2002)

Hey doublecluck. Nice username. :roll: 
Attention forum users: Confusion dead ahead!!!!


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## Austin Bachmeier (Feb 27, 2002)

We'll call you

Dee Bee Ell


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## dblkluk (Oct 3, 2002)

Ok..Ok!! I suppose duckchasingoosekillinflyfishinwalleyecatchinshortreed blowinnorthdakotaboy! would be too much to ask???? :lol: :lol:


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## Austin Bachmeier (Feb 27, 2002)

No way duckchasingoosekillinflyfishinwalleyecatchinshortreed blowinnorthdakotaboy, I think that'd be a fine nickname for you. In fact duckchasingoosekillinflyfishinwalleyecatchinshortreed blowinnorthdakotaboy has a nice ring to it. duckchasingoosekillinflyfishinwalleyecatchinshortreed blowinnorthdakotaboy, we have to hook up next fall for sure. ANyways I'll talk to ya later duckchasingoosekillinflyfishinwalleyecatchinshortreed blowinnorthdakotaboy. Now just so we dont confuse you with anyone else named duckchasingoosekillinflyfishinwalleyecatchinshortreed blowinnorthdakotaguy, you'll be fine.


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## Maverick (Mar 4, 2002)

Man I'm always laughing at some one on this site! (Usually my self) 
but seriously those were some good ones

Mav....


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## stevepike (Sep 14, 2002)

> blowinnorthdakotaboy


You may want to rethink the ending of that name


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## dblkluk (Oct 3, 2002)

Hows about ndguideandoutfitterhatinguy???? :lol:


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## stevepike (Sep 14, 2002)

Better. The "blowin" portion could have given the wrong impression. 

I would hate to see Queer Eye for the Double Cluckin' Guy


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## Leo Porcello (Jul 10, 2003)

> I would hate to see Queer Eye for the Double Cluckin' Guy


That is the funniest thing I have read all day!! :rollin:


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## dblkluk (Oct 3, 2002)

Damn that is funny!! :lol: gotta take the time to laugh at yourself once and awhile I guess!!


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## Goldy's Pal (Jan 6, 2004)

Wedding? A woman awakens during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. Whats the matter dear? she asks tenderly as she steps into the room. Why are you down here at this time of night? The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember when we were first dating, we were so young?" he asks. "Yes I do," she replies. The husband continues, his voice brimming with emotion. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back of my truck :beer: making love?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I'll see that you go to jail for 30 years?" "I remember that", she replies softly, taking his hand. He wipes a tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."  :beer:


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## buckseye (Dec 8, 2003)

Good one Goldy!!! :toofunny:


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## buckseye (Dec 8, 2003)

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he
approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you
seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my penis,"
he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't
come into a crowded office and say things like that. "Why not? You asked
me what was wrong and I told you,"he said. The receptionist
replied,"You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of
people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or
something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in
private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then
reentered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't piss out of
it," the man replied.

The doctor's office erupted in laughter!!!


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## MSG Rude (Oct 6, 2003)

The same old 86 year old man went back to the doctors office and said to the secretary, "I have a problem with the other ear and I would like to see the Doc." The secretary gives a knowing nod and sends the elderly gentlemen in to see the Doc. "Hey Doc", the old man says. "You know that blue pill Viagra thing people take to get their Willies up, I need them but cut them in half?" "Yes" said the Doc, "But surely at your age you can not still be having intercourse, are you?" the Doc asks incredualy. "Besides, half a pill will not make that old thing fully ridged and errect." "Hell Doc, I ain't having sex and I don't want my Willie standing straight up, I just want half a pill so I don't dribble on my shoes when I take a leak anymore."


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