# Ted Kennedy Jokes



## jamartinmg2 (Oct 7, 2004)

A friend of mine sent me these Teddy jokes....

"Apparently, some punk kids went nuts and tipped over Ted Kennedy" --David Letterman, on the New England Patriots' Super Bowl parade

"It was a long, dull speech. Halfway through, Ted Kennedy sent drinks over to the Bush twins." -David Letterman, on Bush's State of the Union Address

"Today was President Bush's inauguration. What a great symbol for our republic, the inauguration. Everyone had a good time. Senator Ted Kennedy was in a good mood, he had a few too many cocktails and was writing his name in the snow." --David Letterman

"Ted Kennedy said today that the Democratic party is still the majority party. That means he's been drinking again." --Jay Leno

"Did you see who's campaigning with John Kerry now? Ted Kennedy! Can you imagine those two giant heads coming down the street together? It's gonna look like a Macy's Day parade." -Jay Leno

"Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?" -David Letterman

"Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy." -Craig Kilborn

"It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. This tradition began about 25 years ago down in Washington, D.C. by a quick-thinking Ted Kennedy who was spotted leaving his office with an 18-year-old." -David Letterman

"Ted Kennedy was stopped for going on an airline because his name somehow ended up on a no-fly list. Is this really safe for people - Ted Kennedy driving?" --Craig Kilborn

"Just about a half hour ago, the U.S. Senate finished a marathon session on judicial nominees that lasted 30 straight hours. In fact, at 5 a.m. Ted Kennedy was so tired he put his head down on several desks." -Conan O'Brien

"Today in Washington, Governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger had lunch with Senator Ted Kennedy. I understand Gloria Allred is now representing the waitress." -Jay Leno

"Schwarzenegger met with President Bush to try and get some money for California and then after the meeting he took Ted Kennedy to lunch. Feeding Ted Kennedy, how much does that cost? In fact, after the bill came Arnold had to go back to President Bush to get more money." -Jay Leno

"After the switch, the Democrats would have 51 seats, the Republicans would have 49 seats, and Senator Ted Kennedy would still need four seats." -Craig Kilborn, on the changeover in power in the Senate

"On Wednesday, President Bush named the Justice Department headquarters after Robert F. Kennedy. Then he went around the corner and named a strip club after Ted." -Jay Leno

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman


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## huntin1 (Nov 14, 2003)

:rollin: :rollin: :rollin:

:bartime: :bartime:

:laugh: :laugh:

huntin1


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## ej4prmc (Dec 3, 2004)

TED IS A JOKE! How come the people of his state haven't fired him yet? This from someone YOU ALL SAY IS A DEMOCRATE(your all wrong though)


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## Bore.224 (Mar 23, 2005)

I live in Massachusetts and I will tell you why fat Fed has not been fired. Most people in Massachusetts are Liberals with their heads way way up their @#$$. Right now I am writing this and sitting in downtown Cambridge, you guys would not belive this place!


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## zettler (Sep 7, 2002)

Just remember, if Teddy had been driving a Volkswagen back in the 1960's, he could have been a President...

(Volkswagen Beetle's use to float)

Or what did Teddy say to Mary Jo Kopekne when she asked him what they should do if she was pregnant?

Teddy responds, I guess we will have to cross that bridge when we come to it...

Chris et al,

If the above are in poor taste, I will delete.

In the 1960's, I worked for a man who was Barry Goldwater's room-mate in college and learned a lot about the Kennedy's...


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## zettler (Sep 7, 2002)

*Remembering Ted Kennedy's drive on Chappaquiddick 40 years ago today
July 18, 12:04 PM · Sean O'Donnell - Baltimore Republican Examiner *

Mary Jo Kopechne - She would've turned 69 on July 26. She probably would've been married, had children, and maybe even grandchildren. But because of Senator Ted Kennedy's actions 40 years ago today, Mary Jo Kopechne's life and potential were extinguished along with what little integrity Kennedy had left.

Kennedy, most likely drunk, had left a party with Kopechne on Chappaquiddick Island, Massachussetts just after 11 p.m. on July 18, 1969 and proceeded to drive his 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont 88 off a bridge. The car ended upside down underwater and Kennedy managed to swim free. His passenger was not so fortunate.

It was here where Kennedy's true nature came about. He claimed he called out for Kopechne several times and rested for fifteen minutes until deciding to walk back to the party. On his walk back to the party, he passed several houses with telephones but he did not summon help.

He eventually fell asleep in a hotel room and later woke up but did not immediately contact the police, but instead had a casual conversation with someone about sailing. It was not until after the dead body of Kopechne had been discovered that Kennedy went to a police station.

Now over the years, some in the media have referred to the Chappaquiddick incident as a "Kennedy tragedy" because it ruined any hopes for Kennedy to become President. Why wasn't the incident called a "Kopechne tragedy?" She lost her life.

The Boston Globe actually had to the nerve to say Kennedy's actions as a legislator "would have brought comfort to [Kopechne] in her old age" had she lived.

Many people have forgotten that this horrible tragedy occurred many years after, but it is important to remember the Chappaquiddick incident as an example of how some politicians can lack integrity in their actions and will do just about anything to stay in power.


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## whistler312 (Jul 15, 2009)

Bore.224 said:


> Right now I am writing this and sitting in downtown Cambridge, you guys would not belive this place!


I lived there just outside the Combat Zone and I do know what you are talking about. uke:


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