# I figured you guy's could use some humor.................



## Dr. Bob (Mar 3, 2002)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us *****ing about
you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?
1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee
or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're
saying anyway.)
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.


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## Matt Jones (Mar 6, 2002)

Great Stuff! I never have understood why it's our job to keep the toilet seat down? I'm not worried that much about her cutting her hair, I've actually known some girls where it looks good short. I'm talking shorter long hair...not short, "short" hair. What worries me more than the hair, is packing on the extra weight and being stuck with her!


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## nodakoutdoors.com (Feb 27, 2002)

Thank god this isn't the place to pick up chicks matt... :splat: :beer:


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## muskat (Mar 5, 2002)

Thats good stuff Dr. Bob. I think I am with Matt when he says the extra weight. WOW, we are very unsensitive, but at least we tell it like it is!


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## Eric Hustad (Feb 25, 2002)

Great stuff guys!!! :rock:


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