# Joke: Oldie but goodie



## zogman (Mar 20, 2002)

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon An Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along The highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We Saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scumbag, and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk.

So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman!"
He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!"

"And, there we were, standing in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us"


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## huntin1 (Nov 14, 2003)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :toofunny: :toofunny:

:jammin: :jammin: :rollin:

huntin1


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## buckseye (Dec 8, 2003)

:lol: I like it!!!!


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## greenheadfallon (Oct 19, 2005)

Good one.
:lol: 
:beer:


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## Bobm (Aug 26, 2003)

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees
> this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
>
> The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7
feet
> tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
>
> The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and
> brings him to, shaking him.
>
> The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?"
>
> In a weak voice the little guy says: "What EXACTLY did you say to
> me?"
>
> The big guy says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you
The
> answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh
> 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my
> testicles weigh 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
>
> The little guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
> "Turnaround"!!!
>


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## Remington 7400 (Dec 14, 2005)

:withstupid:

There were 3 guys sitting around the fire at deer camp. One black man, one white man, one chinese. The guys were getting pretty drunk, when the guys started comparing their "equipment", to rifle calibers. The China man said he hunted with a .308, the white man said he hunted with a .30-06, the black man said he carried a .338 Ultra-mag, believed in one shot kills and prefered younger deer. The china man jumped up mad, got in his truck and left. The white man cussed the black man for a minute and said My name is John Strong, I'm 24 years old and in the prime of mylife, I'm 6'3 and 265 pounds, what are you going to do about it. The black man said my name is Sam Titan, I was a Marine for 15 years, half the stuff I done is still classified, I'm 6'5, 310 pounds, and when I told you I like my deer young that included bucks!
:eyeroll: 
Pitiful attemp I know! You can credit my crazy hunting buddies for that one!


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## Longshot (Feb 9, 2004)

What a BAD day. Find out you have 3 million, then contract a serious case of lead poisioning in the space of a few minutes!

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her 
husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his 
voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would 
have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.


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## huntin1 (Nov 14, 2003)

While interviewing an unnamed Marine Scout Sniper in Afghanistan about his sniper skills, a Reuters News agent asked him what he felt when shooting Al Quaeda members.

The Marine shrugged and replied, "Recoil." 8) :sniper:

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<--------------->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Sh*t."

 

huntin1


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## zogman (Mar 20, 2002)

:lol: :rollin: :rollin: :lol:

I think that's why most men are better off not talkin..........


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