# Helping to decode Bush's state of the union address....



## R y a n (Apr 4, 2005)

For all decent and truth-loving Americans, here's a quick guide to 
decoding the SOTU. All of these definitions come from my 
Dictionary of Republicanisms:

Bipartisanship, n.
1. When conservative Republicans work with moderate Republicans to 
pass legislation that Democrats hate.
2. Another name for date rape [Grover Norquist, Third Level, Hell].

Compassionate Conservatism, n.
1. Republican pre-election concern for the disadvantaged [Gary 
Hunter, Thomasville, NC].
2. (a) I got mine; (b) I got yours too [Brian Kenner, Tervuren, 
Belgium].
3. Poignant concern for the very wealthy [Laurence Sandek, Twin 
Peaks, CA].

Democracy, n.
1. A product so extensively exported that the domestic supply is 
depleted.
2. When they vote for us; see TYRANNY: When they vote for someone 
else [Rebecca Solnit, San Francisco, CA].

Ending Tyranny, catchphr.
1. Bombing followed by military occupation [Kerry Jones, Houston, 
TX].

Energy Independence, n.
1. The Yucca Mountain renovation program [Kimberly Ellenberger, 
Beloit, WI].
2. The Caribou witness relocation program [Justin Rezzonico, Keene, 
OH].

Freedom, n.
1. God-given right of every American to agree with Bush and his 
policies [Ken Guarino, Miami, FL].
2. What Arabs want but can't achieve on their own without Western 
military intervention; it bears a striking resemblance to chaos 
[Matthew Polly, Topeka, KS].

Free Markets, n.
Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense [Sean O'Brian, 
Chicago, IL].

Frivolous Lawsuits, n.
Those filed against corporations that donate heavily to the GOP [Fred 
Bonavita, San Antonio, TX].

Growth, n.
1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on 
the rich [Matthew Polly, Topeka, KS].

Health Savings Accounts, n.
1. Another tax shelter for the healthy and the wealthy [Ann Wegher, 
Montello, WI].
2. Investment capital for banks [Bill DiNome, Wilmington, NC].

Honesty, n.
Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g., "Freedom is on the 
march." [Katrina vanden Heuvel, New York, NY].

Job Growth, n.
Increased number of jobs an American has to take after losing earlier 
high-paying job [John E. Tarin, Arlington, VA].

Medicare Prescription Drug Bill, n.
No Drug Company Left Behind [George K. McHugh, Dublin, CA].

No Child Left Behind, riff.
There are always jobs in the military [Ann Klopp, Princeton, NJ].

Nonpartisan, n.
Member of good standing in the Federalist Society [Mark Hatch-Miller, 
Brooklyn, NY].

Personal Responsibility, n.
1. Poor people trying to support their families on $5.75 an hour.
2. Rich people changing the tax code so their children never have to 
work [Chelsea Snelgrove, Atlanta, GA].

Reform, v.
To end all entitlements [Herbert New, Verona, NJ].

Staying the Course, v.
Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of 
the result [Suzanne Smith, Ann Arbor, MI].

Support the Military, v.
To praise Bush when he sends our young men and women off to die for a 
lie without proper body armor [Marc Goldberg, Vancouver, WA].

Tax Reform, n.
The shift of the tax burden from wealth to work [Dan McWilliams, 
Santa Barbara, CA].

I hope this helps decode Bush's speech. And remember, NO MORE HUMAN ANIMAL HYBRIDS!

:beer:

Ryan


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## DJRooster (Nov 4, 2002)

:beer:


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## KEN W (Feb 22, 2002)

:thumb:


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## Boy (Jan 24, 2005)

That there is some funny stuff right there.


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## Bobm (Aug 26, 2003)

I sometimes hear the question, "Why are you a Democrat?" and frankly, I have to laugh. Laugh and laugh, because perhaps this person may tire of my laughing, and he will eventually wander off. Sometimes I ponder seriously when I hear this question, because I'll look around and around and there's nobody there asking the question. Why am I a Democrat?

I am a Democrat because I believe everyone deserves a chance. And if necessary, a second chance. And if, by the eighth or ninth chance, this guy needs another chance, I mean, come on. This guy is due.

I am a Democrat because I believe in helping those in need. All of us, you and I, have an obligation to those less fortunate. You go first, okay? I'm a little short this week.

I am a Democrat because I believe in the equality of all people, regardless of their race. That is why I think we should give free medical degrees to minorities because, well, duh. Like any of those types are going to make it through medical school.

I am a Democrat because I fervently believe in tolerance. Tolerance is critical in our diverse society, and if you have a problem with that, mister, then I will inform the authorities and I bet that after a few hours in their "special room" you too will agree that tolerance is critical.

I am a Democrat because I believe that we should take our noses out of other people's bedrooms. I say we move the noses to their banks and storage sheds and scout troops, and so forth.

I am a Democrat because I hold sacred freedom of the press, as well as freedom of the TV and freedom of the movie. Where I draw the line is freedom of the talk radio, and don't even get me started about that damn Internet business.

I am a Democrat because I recognize that education is important. Very, very, extremely very important. We must increase spending on education and enact important education reforms, such as eliminating standardized tests. Because we can never hope to measure this beautiful, elusive, important thing we call education.

I am a Democrat because I believe in the separation of church and state. We must stop the religious extremists who want school-sanctioned prayers. Now, you tell me - with all that chanting and praying and incense-burning going on, how can our kids concentrate on the big condom-and-banana midterm?

I am a Democrat because I believe in the rights of women, be they lawyers or housewives or skanky interns. For too long women have been the victims of discrimination, and we must target programs to help these women, and also the various people who have descended from women.

I am a Democrat because I believe in women's right to choose. I mean, not choose a church school or a tax shelter, or something like that, obviously. Let's be reasonable.

I am a Democrat because I believe in the rule of law. Or, at least, lawyers. Because hey, according to my attorney, I could have been on the Number 7 bus when it crashed yesterday. As far as you know.

I am a Democrat because I believe a healthy economy depends on good jobs at good wages. So fork 'em over, you fat bastard boss man.

I am a Democrat because I believe the government should step in to create good jobs when that fat bastard boss man moves my good job to Mexico. Hey, I know! Maybe we can take all the money that boss man spends on non-job-creating stuff, like solid gold yachts and mink spats, and use that money to create jobs.

I am a Democrat because I fear the power of giant unrestrained monopolies, such as Microsoft, Nike, Parker Brothers, Univac and the Erie Canal Company. The government must wage an unrelenting, all-out war to crush these scary monopolies to a pulp before they get too powerful.

I am a Democrat because I believe in a strong military. Strong, yes, but caring and thoughtful too, and ready to face new challenges. A military that enjoys long strolls on the beach, cuddling in front of a warm fire, unafraid to show its vulnerable side. Must be NS/DDF.

I am a Democrat because I believe there is too much violence in society, especially in our schools. To avoid another Columbine tragedy, we should have mellow "rap" sessions with at-risk teens, such as the Goths. The violence will only end after the teen Goths see that we adults really care, and are "hip" to their groovy teen Goth scene.

I am a Democrat because I believe in campaign finance reform. Sadly, our politics are dominated by advertisements, paid for by the contributions of giant corporations. All too often, these drown out legitimate grassroots opinions, like the kind heard on TimeWarner-AOL-CNN, TimesCorp, or Disney-ABC.

I am a Democrat because I believe in public support of the arts. By "the arts," I of course mean those things made by, or excreted by, an artist of some sort. It is especially important that art be provocative and take controversial stances, like opposing Jesse Helms, and so on.

I am a Democrat because I believe in the environment and conservation. For instance, we must raise the price of gasoline, like they do in Europe, to increase conservation. If we don't, there will soon be a big gas shortage, and this will mean higher gasoline prices for you and me.

I am a Democrat because I detest greed. Especially the sickening greed of those who struck it rich in the 1980s, and greedily refuse to give me any of their stuff.


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## racer66 (Oct 6, 2003)

Average hourly earnings rose to $16.41 in January from $16.34 in December. In the 12 months through January, earnings have risen by 3.3 percent, the largest for any 12-month period in nearly three years, since February 2003.

For the year, the Commerce Department said a record 1.282 million new homes were sold, up 6.6 percent from 2004, capping a five-year rally in the U.S. housing market that sent sales and construction levels to new highs

Orders for durable goods, expensive items meant to last three years or longer, rose 1.8 percent in December, revised up from a 1.3 percent increase previously reported and overall factory orders for November were revised to a rise of 3.3 percent from a previously reported 2.5 percent gain.

Ya that economy is really in the tank.


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## BigDaddy (Mar 4, 2002)

Somebody emailed this to me earlier today:

Both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fall on the same week. As Air America Radio pointed out: "It is an ironic juxtaposition: One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog."


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## always_outdoors (Dec 17, 2002)

:rollin:


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## Bobm (Aug 26, 2003)

the creature beat the best your side had to offer ....... twice :beer: :lol:


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## KEN W (Feb 22, 2002)

Those 2 were not the best and the turkey in the White House sure isn't the best your side has to offer either. :box:

Unfortunately we usually don't get to vote who would be the best.


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## Plainsman (Jul 30, 2003)

KEN W said:


> Those 2 were not the best and the turkey in the White House sure isn't the best your side has to offer either. :box:
> 
> Unfortunately we usually don't get to vote who would be the best.


I agree the republicans picked from the middle of the pack, but why did the democrats dig to the bottom of the barrel for their candidate. Kerry was right down in there with Kennedy, Schummer, Feinstien, Boxer, Hillary, etc. Bush didn't convince me to vote for him, Kerry did. It was perhaps shades of grey, but the contrast was nearly black and white.


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