# Good clean jokes are getting harder to find



## Fetch (Mar 1, 2002)

>Subject: blonde and the snow plow
>
>
> >
> > The Blonde and the Snow Plow
> >
> >  It was snowing heavily and
> > blowing to the point that
> > visibility was almost zero when
> > the little blonde got off work.
> >
> >
> > She made her way to her car and
> > wondered how she was going to
> > make it home.
> >
> >
> > She sat in her car while it
> > warmed up and thought about her
> > situation.
> >
> >
> > She finally remembered her
> > dad's advice that if she got
> > caught in a blizzard she should
> > wait for a snow plow to come by
> > and follow it. That way she
> > would not get stuck in a snow
> > drift.
> >
> >
> > This made her feel much better
> > and sure enough in a little
> > while, a snow plow went by, and
> > she started to follow it.
> >
> >
> > As she followed the snow plow,
> > she was feeling very smug as
> > they continued, and she was not
> > having any problem with the
> > blizzard conditions.
> >
> >
> > After quite sometime had
> > passed, she was somewhat
> > surprised when the snow plow
> > stopped and the driver got out
> > and came ! back to her car and
> > signaled her to roll down her
> > window.
> >
> >
> > The snow plow driver wanted to
> > know if she was all right, as
> > she had been following him for
> > a long time.
> >
> >
> > She said that she was fine and
> > told him of her dad's advice to
> > follow a snow plow when caught
> > in a blizzard.
> >
> >
> > The driver replied that it was
> > OK with him, and she could
> > continue if she wanted... but
> > he was done with the Wal-Mart
> > parking lot and was going over
> > to K-mart next.


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## h2ofwlr (Feb 6, 2004)

Dumb blond in the hinterlands of "up North" in the winter.

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK


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## Madison (Mar 1, 2002)

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?????

Answer:: Christofer Reeves after a house fire!!! :lol:  :lol:


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## Leo Porcello (Jul 10, 2003)

Madison I just ****** myself!


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## Madison (Mar 1, 2002)

The first time I heard it, I just about spit my coffee all over my keyboard!!


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## PJ (Oct 1, 2002)

Madison, gonna give that **** up. Start concentrating on Goose callin'.


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## Fetch (Mar 1, 2002)

Madison - I don't know why anyone would laugh at that - but it is funny as heck :lol:


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## Dick Monson (Aug 12, 2002)

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet 
dachshund along for company.
One day the dachshund starts chasing butterflies, and before long the 
dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. 
The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by. He immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, 
that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around 
here?"

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of 
terror comes over him. He slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the 
leopard, "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. The dachshund saw the monkey heading after the leopard at great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made to appear a fool. He said, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and wonders, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."


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## Fetch (Mar 1, 2002)

I had no idea weiner dogs were so smart :lol:


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## Fetch (Mar 1, 2002)

Dead Duck!

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said,"I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? "Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds
up."


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## Madison (Mar 1, 2002)

This is a good one!!!!

A blonde went into a world wide message center to
send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would
cost $300, she exclaimed: "But I don't have any money. But I'd do
ANYTHING to get a message to my Mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked. "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.

The blonde did as she was told and followed the
man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. Now get on your knees." She did. "Now take down my zipper." She did. "Now go ahead take it out ...." She reached in and grabbed it with both hands ...
then paused. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well, go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer...and while holding it close to
her lips tentatively said... "Hello, Mom can you hear me?"


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## nickle ditch (Aug 26, 2002)

A bunch of townfolk are sitting around the local saloon drinking, when they notice a stranger riding into town. They watch him as he rides up to the front of the saloon, gets off his horse and ties him up. 
After tying him up, the cowboy walks behind his horse, lifts up it's tail and gives it a great big kiss right on the #[email protected]%^. Well everybody watching are repulsed and turn away from the window. Anyway, the cowboy walks into the saloon, up to the bar and orders a beer. When the bartender brings him his beer, he asks the cowboy what's the deal with kissing his horse where he did. The cowboy just says chapped lips. Bartender says, that cures them? Cowboy says no, but it sure keeps me from licking them.


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## djleye (Nov 14, 2002)

Guy walks into a bar (as they are known to do), and hears this beautiful music........He looks behind the bar and sees this guy who is one foot tall playing a tiny piano. He looks at the bartender and asks what the deal is. The bartender says he has a genie in a bottle. The bartender offers the guy one of the wishes. The guys jumps at the chance and rubs the lamp. The genie comes out and says the guy gets one wish. The guy says he wants a million bucks. The genie says to go out in the parking lot, the guy goes out there and there are a million ducks. The guy comes back and asks the bartender what the deal is. The guy says "oh yea, the genie is hard of hearing, you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist"!!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I like that last one Madi


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## fishhook (Aug 29, 2002)

da truth.....

A woman is in line buying groceries one night and a drunk man walks up and gets in line. The man watched her place her items down (milk, eggs, lettuce, the normal neccessities) and when she looked up she made eye contact and he said "you must not be married."

She didn't reply, but couldn't figure out how he knew that based on the groceries she was buying.

She finished up and the curiosity was killing her so before she left she turned and said to the man " your absolutley correct, i'm single, but how did you know that?"

"Cause your ugly" the drunk replied.


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## stevepike (Sep 14, 2002)

:lol:


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## Bobm (Aug 26, 2003)

I alway felt that humor based on truth is funniest
It was this week way back in 1850 that California became a State. Isn't that special. At that time there was no electricity in California and the state was virtually broke. Almost everyone in the state spoke Spanish, and there were gunfights in the streets. In other words, things were pretty much the same in California then as they are now ... except the women had real breasts and you could travel from one end of Los Angeles to the other in less than an hour, even on a horse


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## huntinSD (Mar 1, 2004)

Dear Friends, 
It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell.

Let me relate how I handle the situation. When I got laid off from my consulting job and took "early retirement" in April, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we need. It was shortly after she started working that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell, instead I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she finally does get supper on the table.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.

Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting. Also, if I have a really good day of fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.

Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.

When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn. I try not to embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older. However, guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.

Signed, Bob.

:beer: ahh... if only dreams came true. :lol:


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