# joke



## Booster (Sep 8, 2003)

A little joke to help the work week go faster!

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."


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## Booster (Sep 8, 2003)

One more for you

The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: " Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like $hit."


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## Shooter (Sep 21, 2004)

I thought this was pretty good. Have a look.

http://www.big-boys.com/joke.asp?id=2028


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## 870 XPRS (Mar 12, 2003)

http://www.big-boys.com/articles/dancingroommate.html


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## Maverick (Mar 4, 2002)

870-------INSANELY FUNNY......I have friend ( who I haven't seen in awhile) that would "Bust a Move" in high school to the same song....well really any song but that beat...."doo do doo do do" "doo do doo do do a do doo do"....... :beer:


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## Shu (Oct 21, 2003)

870 - man, I got tears from laughing at that video


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## 870 XPRS (Mar 12, 2003)

Here's another good one for you on a friday.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/numa.php


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## Shu (Oct 21, 2003)

Not the next American Idol!


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## 870 XPRS (Mar 12, 2003)

Commercial

Hand Puppets

OK, i'm done


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## fishhook (Aug 29, 2002)

kudos on the comedy. made me chuckle.


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## fishhook (Aug 29, 2002)

heres another......

Booster went to the doctor one day for a routine check up and while doing the hernia check the doctor noticed Booster had an orange penis. The doctor thought this was odd, but didn't say anything and continued on with his checkup.

When completely finished the doctor said: "Well Booster you are very healthy, but i noticed you have a orange penis." Booster didn't reply. Thinking it may be a work condition the doctor also asked "Booster kind of work do you do?" "I don't have a job" Booster replied.

Hoping to get an idea of how someone could end up with this condition the doctor asked: "Well Booster, what do you do all day?" Booster replied, "Not much, sit around the house, watch porn, eat cheetos."

(had to pick on someone, don't know you, but figured you could laugh it off   )


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## fishhook (Aug 29, 2002)

Joke for today: (most have probably heard this one...maybe not)

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him, and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."


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## Booster (Sep 8, 2003)

Bad First Date

We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter ... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.

All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance"! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As for the Tonight Show ... she took the prize hands down ... or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment - - - - This gives a whole new meaning to being "****** off."


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## dekehunter (May 12, 2005)

Title: Law Of The Land

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Louisiana. We rule ourselves under the Napoleonic Code. We settle small disagreements like this with the Louisiana Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Louisiana Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees where he immediately vomited.

The geezer's second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face.

The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his dark heart, vengeful will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."


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## MossyMO (Feb 12, 2004)

A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a Zima. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya boy?"
The guy says, "No, I'm from North Dakota"
The bartender says, "What do you do in North Dakota?"
The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist?
The bartender says, "Do you drive a taxi?"
The guy says "No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."
The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us.


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## curty (Sep 18, 2003)

:rollin:


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## MossyMO (Feb 12, 2004)

3D Shark

1st look and see the shark under the water.

Keep your cursor out of the picture until you see the shark.

Then move your mouse cursor onto the picture, but stand back, you might get wet (it's like it's 3D).

http://www.toilette-humor.com/cartoon.html


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