# The Upper Peninsula of Michigan



## T3|-| F7U&gt;&lt; C4P4C41 (Mar 22, 2006)

The Upper Peninsula of Michigan, also known as the piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken the mitten is reaching for by the "Loopers," is right on the list of places in the United States of America to fall into the ocean (or in this case, lake), after California. The terrain in the Upper Peninsula is reminiscent of that of Canada, which is rocky and mostly covered with coniferous trees. Also similar to Canada, the people of the Upper Peninsula have their own culture and lifestyle, completely unique to the region. Illiteracy and drunkenness dominates this area. This, along with several other factors, is why the Upper Peninsula of Michigan needs to secede from the Union and become part of Canada.

At first glance, the Upper Peninsula seems like quite an interesting place. Let me reassure you, this is certainly not the case. Not only is the Upper Peninsula quite boring, it remains in a deep freeze for most of the year (Note that this is the cause of most drunkenness) . This means that transportation is basically impossible, unless, that is, you're a mud-bogging uper (pronounced "Yooper") with a four-wheel drive pickup truck, complete with a three foot lift and 30" tires. Similar to Canada, there are an abundance of bears, which mostly subsist on trash and the occasional drunk. Also similar to Canada, there is absolutely nothing to do. From exploring ghost towns to taking a mountain hike, you're guaranteed to be begging for mercy after a couple days. And if you're lucky enough, a "Yooper" will shoot you while you're deer hunting in the pristine forests! Never mind the fact that you're wearing an orange vest, you looked like a deer!

Quote: 
Enjoy the bounties of the north -
maple syrup, cheese, fudge, berries, fish from Lake Superior, and the famous Michigan pasty.

- http://www.exploringthenorth.com/mich/mich.html

Maple syrup and cheese! What have I been missing? Oh yeah, the overpriced food items I can buy for a fraction of the cost downstate (which taste better too). One last item to remember is that there is enough gravel and rocks in the U.P. to make you cry.

Source: http://www.petsuppliesplus.com/petsatwo ... e_2004.htm

The peoples of the Upper Peninsula are definitely diverse. About as diverse as a drawer full of screws and nails. Also known as "Yoopers," the people here are loud, obnoxious, and have poor hygiene (source: http://www.meddybemps.com/9.431.html ).They are bigoted towards those in the lower portion of Michigan. According to their logic, we live "under" the bridge, thus we are trolls. According to my logic, they live above the Mackinac Bridge, and are smelly Yoopers. The Yoopers have their own "language." It consists of tagging on unnecessary "ooo" sounds to every other word, similar to Canadians from Ontario. It at first seems like they're doing this purposefully, when as a matter of fact, they aren't. That makes it particularly annoying, since they cannot stop speaking with that sort of "accent." Also, Yoopers end most sentences with an "eh," as if the person listening did not hear the speaker. That is also particularly annoying. 
To put it kindly, the women native to this area are "rough." In addition to that, many people do not bathe or brush their teeth often in this area. Yoopers have a peculiar odor, similar to that of a rotting carcass (source: http://www.goddamnbastard.org/carcass/ ). Furthermore, of all the peoples of the Upper Peninsula, about 90% of them belong to a ethnic group I'd like to refer as "white trash" (source: http://www.whitetrashworld.com/general/amiWT.htm ).

Drunkenness and Illiteracy are like a plague-that is, it is spread easily from person to person. That is why I am vouching for the dismantling of the Mackinac Bridge and for the quarantine of the entire U.P. (source: http://www.happyhippie.com/directory/artgallery.htm ). If something is not done soon, it will spread rapidly to the rest of Michigan and Wisconsin, and possibly to the rest of the United States. Both are Canadian diseases in origin, but have remained in Canada for centuries due to strict border enforcement. In addition, the U.P. strain is relatively new and fatal, but has not gained the ability to pass easily from person to person- yet (source: http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/conditio ... index.html ). However, it has already decimated flocks of wild Canadian geese traveling over the region, and threaten to spread the viruses elsewhere.

If these aren't good enough reasons why the Upper Peninsula of Michigan should become a province of Canada, I don't know what is. Every aspect of the area is a threat to the nations' image. Not only is the U.P being a part of America embarrassing, it is the spawning ground of drunkenness and illiteracy. This, along with an idea of the U.P.'s culture (or lack thereof), should be enough to keep you awake at night. Goodnight America.


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## Bobm (Aug 26, 2003)

However, if you have a bird dog the UP has the best ruffed grouse hunting in the midwest and great access which makes it a treasure in my eyes. Everyone I've ever ran into up there was friendly to top it off.

I like places that are desolate and sparsly populated myself.

Come to think of it I also like jacked up pickups :lol:


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## T3|-| F7U&gt;&lt; C4P4C41 (Mar 22, 2006)

You however are blatantly ignoring the fact that the U.P. is the spawning ground for such diseases as illiteracy and alcoholism.It may also be worthwhile to note that there are currently _*no*_ vaccines availible to combat these viruses, so the safest action is a quarantine of the region. Otherwise, it could have devastating consequences for the rest of the country, and possibly for the rest of the world.


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## Bobm (Aug 26, 2003)

You are correct lets quarantine it, evacuate everyone. Then I and a few selected friends will go there every fall to patrol the woods and verify that
the woods are safe and devoid of people. We will bring our highly trained attack pointers to attempt to eliminate all the sneaky evil ruffed grouse that are at the root of all these problems while we are up there.

Anyone thats ever hunted ruffed grouse knows that they do cause irrational drinking at the end of the day :lol:

Until our mission is complete everyone else should stay out. i estimate this will take at least 20 years but will report on progress in about 10 depending on the condition of my knees :lol:

Do I have any volunteers to accompany me on this dangerous mission?

You will have to supply your own shells. Ruffys' are know to cause the waste of many shells


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## R y a n (Apr 4, 2005)

T3|-| F7U>< C4P4C41 said:


> You however are blatantly ignoring the fact that the U.P. is the spawning ground for such diseases as illiteracy and alcoholism.It may also be worthwhile to note that there are currently _*no*_ vaccines availible to combat these viruses, so the safest action is a quarantine of the region. Otherwise, it could have devastating consequences for the rest of the country, and possibly for the rest of the world.


AAAHHHH THAT explains alot! *MT YOU *are *FROM* there aren'y you! And T3|-| F7U>< C4P4C41 you are his step-cousin!

I KNEW IT!


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## R y a n (Apr 4, 2005)

Bobm said:


> You are correct lets quarantine it, evacuate everyone. Then I and a few selected friends will go there every fall to patrol the woods and verify that
> the woods are safe and devoid of people. We will bring our highly trained attack pointers to attempt to eliminate all the sneaky evil ruffed grouse that are at the root of all these problems while we are up there.
> 
> Anyone thats ever hunted ruffed grouse knows that they do cause irrational drinking at the end of the day :lol:
> ...


:beer:

I'll gallantly join you on your quest of honor Bob! Hopefully the goverment throws in sme hazardous duty pay! That'll cover my extra shells and booze! HEYYYYY how about we invite VP Cheny to join us too!


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## Militant_Tiger (Feb 23, 2004)

Two people from the same state? Perposterous!


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## Plainsman (Jul 30, 2003)

Bob, count me in. It would only be better than it already is if we could talk the people there into moving to places like Detroit, Deerborn, Windsor, Flint, Ann Arbor, Grand Rapids, etc. Wow, after naming those cities I second burning the Mackinaw bridge. We must protect those southern ghettos from the north. We can go in via Wisconsin. On second thought leave the people there, I think I would like them.


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## Bobm (Aug 26, 2003)

Plainsman ,and Ben Eli maybe they would make us honorary "Yoopers"

:lol: :beer:


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## Longshot (Feb 9, 2004)

Count me in. Thank goodness that bad weather keeps the riffraff out. I think 20 years is too soon. Make it 30. I've got the big truck ready. Leave it to the southern city boys to think a 3 foot lift goes with 30 inch tires.


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## Gun Owner (Sep 9, 2005)

Call me retarded, but I cant figure out what Flux is trying to say, or if hes just funnin around, but...

I have a shotgun and a 4x4. Anyone with a few dogs wanna show me the ropes? I'd love to go bird hunting.


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## always_outdoors (Dec 17, 2002)

I have got two dogs (lab and brittany) and would be most willing to embark on any dangerous journey into northern Michigan in search of evil ruffed grouse. I once heard one thumping while in Minnesota....da-n critters they are.

Do they have ducks that need to be removed as well??


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## Alaskan Brown Bear Killer (Feb 22, 2005)

Militant_Tiger said:


> Two people from the same state? Perposterous!


Maybe you two should try breathing some clean air from the UP and get off those DAM computers long enough to smell the roses. No wounder............ :eyeroll:


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## Burly1 (Sep 20, 2003)

How many boxes of spreader loads do we need guys? I'm in. Burl


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## fishless (Aug 2, 2005)

I can be there in 2hrs Ill set up camp, and get supplies (barley pop). May I also suggest everyone bring a fishing pole along as there is quite a few rough fish (walleyes,trout, ect.) we should probably get rid of also. And I also know a few yoopers they could teach us the local dialect so we would be able to communicate and restock our supplies (more barley pop) :beer: :sniper:


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