# Darwin awards



## Bobm (Aug 26, 2003)

Annual Darwin Awards - 2004

Yes, they are finally out again. It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing himself in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this year in reverse order are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the
cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER.....

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his foursome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold
of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles were in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

NB: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, it was allowed.


----------



## 870 XPRS (Mar 12, 2003)

#1 is definately not on my to do list, i think i'm going to puke. uke: The dying stuff was fine, but that last one should make any man cringe a bit.


----------



## djleye (Nov 14, 2002)

I think I would rather be dead!!!!


----------



## 870 XPRS (Mar 12, 2003)

doesn't that qualify as being dead anyways :huh:


----------



## snowflake (Apr 2, 2004)

That cleaned up that gene pool  :eyeroll: :withstupid: :thumb: :lame: :idiot:


----------



## nodakoutdoors.com (Feb 27, 2002)

I love the Darwin awards, it somehow hasn't managed to hit my mailbox yet, but thanks for making it easy. k:


----------



## Dick Monson (Aug 12, 2002)

The one I remember best was the young man who purchased a JATO (jet assisted take off) rocket from surplus. He bolted it on the roof of his car. The car went airborne after the brakes burned out and then landed on the side of a cliff about a quarter mile away.

Another classic was the man who tied helium ballons to his lawn chair to impress his girl friend. Intended to land by shooting out the ballons with a bb gun. Lost his nerve and went to very high. :roll:


----------



## Ryan_Todd (Apr 11, 2004)

i don't think i'll ever look at a ball washer the same again. ouchhh!


----------



## Militant_Tiger (Feb 23, 2004)

dick i believe that first one was proved false


----------



## Matt Jones (Mar 6, 2002)

Hey bigblackfoot, wasn't #6 your favorite uncle who you used to spend a lot of time with when you were a kid?


----------



## KEN W (Feb 22, 2002)

Hey...I'm a groundskepper at the local course in the summer...I will think about this every time I refill the ball washers.


----------



## Leo Porcello (Jul 10, 2003)

I always like the one of the fat guy that had a diet of cabbage and beans. No clean air could get into his room so he basically farted himself to death. Even the medics got sick from the odor of his gasses when they found his body. uke:


----------

